Why raising kids is hard

Chris : So true, so valuable, and so hard as well. Another post in itself…. As you say, so much of what they do is largely out of our control, for better or worse, but I would argue for better. Indeed, they seemed to be a drain on my own potential. For some reason ah, biochemistry! I must prioritize and invest myself in the things that matter most. And because they matter, those activities are most rewarding.

I could never have predicted this would be my experience. If you had approached me 5 years ago and told me I would feel this way, I would not have believed you. We are just at the start of our lives as parents. But that has always been true. Becoming a parent was one the best things I have done and also one of the hardest.

You cry, laugh and scream somethings in the span of minutes. It is an experience but when you see your child grow into adulthood my son will soon be 21 and start becoming a productive, independent person…you know the struggle was not in vain. Thanks for the post. Hi Alex, I have a few comments to make re this but I suggest that you try and see a sketch by the wonderful Michael McIntyre a very funny English comedian about being a parent…….

Had us crying as it is sooooo true to life! Of course all parents want the best for the children. Always a mystery. The difficulty I have is that they are not my children and I want to influence them in what I think is better than they are being raised…I find mostly that I must remain quiet and watch it all take place. I try my best to be positive and instill in them respect, good morals and discipline.

Probably the hardest part is that their mother is a pretentious woman and does not acknowledge my presence in a positive manner in the lives of this 2 kids. That creates this unbearable resentment within me as I am only accustomed to wonderful relationships with everyone, I have no enemies….

It has been 5 years now and am at a loss with their mother, I often feel bad for my husband as he loves his kids even though he never wanted them no one did with this woman…he was her 4th husband, she is 8 years older then he is she is very controlling, never allows us to have nice family times when the kids are with us during their weekly visits of 2 days…she is always calling, either to berate the 11 yr-old son about a poor grade or homework, or to check in to make sure their father is reading to 9 yr-old daughter at promptly 7 p.

I believe people need to look deeply into their inner selves, listen well to the inner voice that says yes or no to children as too many end up as puppets in divorce. Another insight from the other side. I do give great compliments to parents who make it through the trials and tribulations in the aftermath of children. I am glad I found your website, Alex, as it has offered me great insight into many topics. Thank you. Great topic. I love your post and all of the comments, Alex. In that sense, the myth of parental joy is a modern psychological phenomenon.

If knowing the bottom line makes us want to spend more time on kids instead of, say, TV or golf or work, that sounds like a healthy bargain for all involved. I was way more depressed before I had my baby. I had no direction or purpose in my life. I spent all of my free time wasting time on the internet. I must be a bizarre outlier. I myself, choose to be ChildFree and at 38 years old and single; that suits me fine. A lot of thought and consideration went into the choice to not be a parent.

The way to be happy in life is to live life and do what makes YOU happy. Not having a baby for someone else or just because a group of people or organization tell you that you should do so. These people need to mind their own business and their own uteri. I completely agree that a person should have a child only if they are ready for it. A baby is a parasite from the moment its conceived. They drain time, money, emotions, health, and mental peace unknowingly so they cannot be blamed!!

Nature has designed this process in such a way that a human offspring is the weakest and the most dependent of all creatures in this world. Our parents may never tell us how hard it was to take care of us…how many sleepless nights they have had. Why most of the parents do not acknowledge that having a child made their life difficult….

They love them unconditionally and never doubt their decision of having a child. Those who consider their children as financial support for old age…reality check darlings…. There is no right or wrong in deciding to have or not have children. You should do what is best for you. I had a daughter when I was 22yo. I love her more than anything. However it is hard work to raise your child in a good environment, and with the love and attention they need and deserve.

She is a well educated 36 to women with a baby of her own. I get to love my granddaughter too! They are my family, I love them with all my heart. My kids are my world. I absolutely adore them. That being said, I could have done a better job. Raising kids us physically, emotionally and financially exhausting.

If your child has special needs, even more so. Parenting is something you took on voluntarilyand now you must live with the consequences, many of which you never expected. My second theory about why raising kids seems so hard today is the proliferation of parenting philosophies, health guidelines, educational options, and more. Being a parent today doesn't just mean having a baby and raising him or her to become a reasonably healthy, literate adult.

From the positive pregnancy test onward, it means navigating a dizzying array of contradictory advice on just about everything: what to eat and avoid during pregnancy, what painkillers if any to accept during childbirth, whether or not to let your infant cry himself to sleep, how to potty-train her, at what age he should enter kindergarten, whether and how to pass on your religious faith to her, at what age he can stay home alone, how much time she should spend watching TV, exercising, reading.

It's no wonder even the most conscientious parents are overwhelmedand as a consequence, sometimes both uncertain and defensive about their choices. The blogger Jennifer Fulwiler once described parents' feelings perfectly. Despite the inconvenience of teaching her kids about the Tooth Fairy and Santa, she finally decides to continue the tradition simply because "it is the way our families have always done it":.

And I need—desperately, seriously, dying-man-in-the-desert-level need—one area of my life as a parent that I do not have to agonize about.

As a modern mother, I am required to obsess over every. Sorry for the caps lock, but seriously, people, I am supposed to be pouring all this energy into what food we eat and what types of shows they watch and what type of video games they play and how much time they spend doing those things and what sports they play and what sorts of clothes they wear and whether we should vaccinate and circumcise and pierce ears and…GAH!

There was a time when mothers just did things the way their own mothers did, and that was that. Unfortunately, there's no good way out of the quandaries Fulwiler describes.

Of course parents should put some thought into how they feed, educate, and raise their kids, even if today's multiplicity of choices means those decisions are harder to make than they were for previous generations. Maybe the best option is simply to realize that most parents really are trying to do what's best for their kids, and to extend a little more grace to the parents who raise their kids differently than you raise yours. Sign up for our mailing list to receive ongoing updates from IFS.

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